Every now and then, I think its a good thing to lighten up a little and have a hearty laugh. I first saw this list in a letter from Carolyn Eddy when it appeared on Goatslite. She does not know who first penned it, but said it did not come with a copyright and that I could use it. My thanks to Carolyn and to the clever person who originally wrote this list.

1. Do not make an appointment. Just walk in, because they are going to be in there anyway. Demand to be seen immedieately! Become irate, if you have to wait for anyone who was there ahead of you.
2. Bring your children, bring your neighbor's children. If you have no children, borrow some from a friend. Toddlers who have been walking for less than a year are the best. If they are talking, let them run around all over the hospital to ask everyone on the staff questions.
3. Place your pet on the exam table, then sit down. Please do not hold it from jumping off the 3 foot table. Emphasize that "It won't jump down!" and "It NEVER bites".
4. If you are reading a magazine, please do not risk loosing your place by setting it down. Please keep reading. Do not look up when you are asked a question.
5. Do not remove your sunglasses, especially if you have a hearing problem.
6. If you have a concern, YELL at the receptionist, then when you see the doctor, be as sweet as possible.
7. As you leave, let your un-neutered dog urinate on every stationary object until you get outside. Do not tell anyone.
8. Please call if there is a problem, but wait at least three weeks to do so. Remember, continuous diarrhea for four weeks is considered AN EMERGENCY SITUATION. This is especially true in the evenings and on weekends.
9. If your pet is in really bad shape, tell the doctor that you have been on vacation. If you haven't brought your pet in to the hospital in two years, always tell the doctor the problem started RIGHT after the last visit and it hasn't gone away.
10. Have your record under as many last names as possible. For your pet, have a registered name, a baptized name, a nickname for each family member. Use a different one each time you come in for a visit.
11. When leaving your pet for boarding or any other procedures, never tell anyone in the office you have changed your phone number since your last visit.
12. Never say anything important until the Doctor puts the stethoscope to their ears.
13. Always say, "Cost is not important: just save my pet!" until you get the bill, then deny that you said it was OK to treat the animal. Make a big fuss over every item even though you're not going to pay it anyway.
14. Always bring your checkbook without any checks in it or leave home without your wallet. Only carry hundred dollar bills when you bring it, especially if you are only buying one can of food.
15.If possible, always send your pet to the clinic with your children under 18 years of age with no money and/or credit cards. Never tell them why they are bringing the pet in.

I hope you get as big a kick from this as did I.

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