I saw this article printed in my Tennessee Cooperator - the monthly newsletter of my local Co-op, where I buy the good chow that keeps my animals hale and hearty. It was written by Bette Nunn, and I thought you all might find it as amusing as did I. Basically what follows are some tips on how to handle many of life's situations.

The Eternal Truths


• Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
• If it weren't for stress, we'd have no energy at all.
• Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
• Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
• We cannot change the direction of the wind .... but we can adjust our sails.
• If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.
• If you are too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
• My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
• Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
• It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
• If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
• Bills pass through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
• Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
• Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
• Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
• By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
• Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

I hope you enjoyed these pearls of wisdom as much as did I. Next month we'll get back to the more serious "stuff" of goatkeeping.

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